I didn’t know how important it was to hear those words until I became a working mom. Let me repeat it again for anyone that is having one of those days and needs to hear it: “You are doing great, mama!”
To be completely honest, I was never one of those people that loved my job. Although I had a couple of different careers that I excelled at, I was never excited about the work I was doing. I worked to live, not lived to work.
If you are in the other camp, then good for you! I am very jealous of anyone that gets paid to do something they love. Unfortunately, that was just not my lot in life.
The Reality of Returning to Work After Maternity Leave
I learned very quickly after having Griffin that it was much harder to go to work when I had something that I would much rather be doing: spending time with my new baby!
Thankfully, I had a fabulous maternity policy at Google that allowed me to stay home for five whole months after Griffin was born. But returning to work after maternity leave made it even harder to want to go back once it was time.
Sadly, staying home wasn’t an option for me at first. Due to our careers, it made more sense for Adam to stay at home than me.
I’m still not sure how I did it, but somehow I managed. At that time we lived in the suburbs of Chicago, which meant commuting downtown every day to work. I had to leave at six am before Griff was awake, and got home at six pm when I had just enough time for the dinner, bath, and bedtime routine. It was heartbreaking.
Coping with Working Mom Guilt and the Commute
Yes, I had weekends with Griff, which was when I tried to soak up as much time with him as possible. But that also meant no more “me time.” I sacrificed all of my personal time to get some precious moments with my baby.
Let me tell you, that lifestyle is not sustainable.
In order to be fully present for your baby, you can’t just care for them—you also have to care for yourself! I know that is difficult to admit, and even harder to make happen. But it’s important. Take care of yourself so you can be fully present for your little one!
Navigating the Working Mom vs. Stay-at-Home Dad Dynamic
Because Adam stayed at home, he and Griff formed such a strong bond early on. It was such a heartwarming thing to watch unfold, and I’m so grateful for it to this day.
Sadly, their close bond also meant that I felt like the outsider. Griff only wanted Daddy for things, and didn’t want Mommy to help.
I can’t tell you how much this crushed me. I was so in love with this child, and sacrificing my time with him so the Hopkins Household could be in a better financial position was making me miserable. There were so many times I cried myself to sleep, wishing and dreaming that things were different.
To all the working moms out there doing the same: first, I want to say that you aren’t alone.
Working mom guilt is real, and it can have a severe impact on your mental health. But just know that you are doing great! Life is hard, and you have to make sacrifices. All you can do is give yourself a little grace, know that you aren’t alone, and believe that one day things will get better.
Transitioning from Working Mom to Stay-at-Home Mom
How do I know things get better? Because they got better for me.
It didn’t happen while I was still working, but rather when Adam and I decided to change our lifestyle completely so I could be at home.
Was transitioning from a working mom to a stay-at-home mom a difficult decision? Yes. Did we have to move and make financial sacrifices? Yes. Would I have it any other way? Absolutely not.
So to all the mamas out there who need to hear it today: “You are doing great!” Life is long, and this is just a blip. Focus on getting through another day.
And if you are like me and decide that things need to change, do whatever you need to do to make it happen. It might not be today or tomorrow, but one day. There is a lot of strength in having faith that things can change. You just have to believe.
Are you struggling with mom guilt, or have you made a big lifestyle transition for your family? Let me know in the comments below!
